Infidelity is a deeply painful experience that can shatter a relationship to its core. It is often very traumatic for a couple, and usually occurs in isolation from social support due to the sensitive nature of the issue. This isolation puts even more pressure on a couple in crisis.  

Many couples who have experienced infidelity seek therapy in order to try and repair their relationship. Therapy can be a difficult and emotional process, but with the aid of a trained therapist, it can also be a transformative experience. It is very important to understand that the therapeutic environment is nonjudgmental and the therapists only goal is to help you each connect and heal.

The therapy process after infidelity typically begins with the betrayed partner expressing their feelings of anger, hurt, and betrayal. According to Shirley Glass, author of Not Just Friends, and a renowned expert in the field of infidelity, the betrayed partner often experiences a range of intense emotions. These include shock, disbelief, anger, and depression. In therapy, the betrayed partner can express these feelings in a safe and supportive environment, which can help them to process their emotions and begin to heal.

This gives the partner who participated in the infidelity a chance to realign as a safe support person for the affected partner to heal, becoming an integral part of the healing process.

The therapist will also give structured guidelines for how this process should look at home to heal over time and to keep things from escalating or getting out of hand. This is not a one-and-done conversation. The healing occurs as this conversation is had many times over time.  

The next step in therapy after infidelity is often for the unfaithful partner to take responsibility for their actions. Esther Perel, a prominent therapist and author who has written extensively on the subject of infidelity, including the book Mating in Captivity, emphasizes the importance of the unfaithful partner taking responsibility for their behavior and showing genuine remorse for their actions. This can involve acknowledging the hurt and pain they have caused their partner, taking steps to make amends, and committing to making changes in their behavior in the future. Again, this is not a one time conversation, but an atmosphere of continually turning toward the affected partner’s pain, with the guidance of the therapist on how to do so.

Couples therapy after infidelity often involves exploring the underlying issues that may have contributed to the infidelity. Infidelity is rarely just about sex – it is often a symptom of deeper issues within the relationship and/or in the participating partner. These issues can include a lack of emotional connection, poor communication, unresolved conflicts, unclear/unsafe boundaries, or unmet needs. In therapy, couples can work together to identify these underlying issues and develop strategies to address them.

One important aspect of therapy after infidelity is rebuilding trust. Trust is a fundamental aspect of any relationship, and after infidelity, it can be shattered. Rebuilding trust takes time and effort, and it is a process that must be approached with care and sensitivity. According to Glass, rebuilding trust involves the unfaithful partner being transparent and honest about their actions(with patience), being consistent in their behavior, and demonstrating a willingness to work on rebuilding the relationship.

Another key component of therapy after infidelity is communication. Communication is essential for any healthy relationship, but it is especially important after infidelity. Couples must be able to communicate openly and honestly about their feelings, needs, and concerns. In therapy, couples can learn techniques for effective communication, such as active listening and using "I" statements.

Therapy after infidelity can be a long and difficult process, but it can also be incredibly rewarding.

Many couples who go through therapy after infidelity report that they emerge from the experience with a stronger, more resilient relationship.

According to Perel, infidelity can be an opportunity for growth and transformation, both for the individuals involved and for the relationship as a whole.

In conclusion, therapy after infidelity is a complex and challenging process, but it is also an opportunity for growth, healing, and transformation. With the guidance of a skilled therapist, couples can work through the intense emotions, rebuild trust, and develop the skills and strategies necessary to create a stronger, more fulfilling relationship. As Glass and Perel both emphasize, infidelity is not the end of a relationship – it can be a difficult but transformative chapter in the ongoing story of a couple's love and commitment.

If you are ready to start the journey to healing, please contact me today to schedule an appointment. I am able to meet virtually or in person as desired. I look forward to hearing from you!